You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
