Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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