Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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