I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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