u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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