So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
