i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
