last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize