I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
