Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
