I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize