Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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