I bet he comes in French.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
