hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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