There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
