did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
