Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
