Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
