I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
