Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
