; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
