My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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