No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
