Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
