Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
