my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
