Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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