Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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