AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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