is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
