If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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