i think my tv is drunk
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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