how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
