I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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