There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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