Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
