Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
