i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
