I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
