just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
