her vagine was all disorganized.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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