I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
