if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how do flat chested girls get laid?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
