do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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