Pregnant stripper...not hot.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
