In the future we'll all be gay
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
