Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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