upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
