i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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