I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is it penis luge time yet?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
