You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
