I'm gonna have a badass scar
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
