Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
