If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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