I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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