I heard we made out
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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