So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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