Sry I called you an 8
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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