My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
