Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
