I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
